I’ve been doing a little research lately among my male friends in order to see what is sexy for them. Many women are sexy through their simple presence, others rely on certain skills and characteristics to emphasize their sex-appeal. As a personal comment, sexiness is often confused with beauty and men don’t realize a woman can be really sexy without being an exquisite beauty and that beautiful girls are not always sexy.

According to my friends, sexy is:

• Her hourglass-shaped body
• Her mysterious air
• Her manner of walking
• Her glowing smile
• Her way of thinking; smart is the new sexy
• Her soft skin
• Her scent
• Her long hair
• Her beautiful eyes
• Her full lips
• Her confidence; feeling comfortable in her own skin
• Her independence; a job will do the trick
• Her pony tails
• Her way of dressing, like a woman
• Her high heels
• Her suspender tights
• Her adventurous lifestyle
• Her sense of humor
• Her sweet spirit
• Her honesty
• Her big, firm, no-bra boobs
• Her booty
• Her eye contact, especially in the bedroom
• Her spicy lingerie
• Her whispering that she wants more
• Her desire to please you

Apparently most men dislike arrogant, tomboy, needy, selfish, unnatural women. Too much makeup, jewelry, inappropriate clothes and ridiculously high heels are a big turn off. Thanks to my boy friend Andrei E. and to Mr. Cute for sharing their ideas of sexy.

So, what else makes a woman sexy? Feel free to leave your comments below!

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Part I: What makes a man sexy?

Women are not attracted to the same things. What turns you on and makes him irresistible? Is it his smile, his touch, the way he whispers in your ear that he wants you, his skin, his personality, his tie, his eyes, his sense of humor? What makes a man attractive?

For me, sexy is:

• His smile
• His lips
• His way of thinking
• His confidence
• His spontaneity
• His sense of humor
• His voice
• His style in clothes
• His good manners
• His soft French kiss
• The way he smells
• His look when he tells me that he wants me
• The way he teases me
• Looking into my eyes right before penetration
• The way he touches my lips with his tongue during sex
• The way he grabs my ass
• The way he holds my neck and hair during wild sex
• His desire to please me
• The way he smiles after he orgasms
• His sweat body after sex
• His wet body after shower
• The way he hugs me when he is upset
• The way he holds me before we fall asleep

Thanks to my good friend Marta for sharing what’s sexy for her. What else makes a man sexy? Feel free to leave your comments below!

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When I fall in love and he seems perfect I sometimes catch myself wondering: Is he the one? Is he the guy I’m going to marry? Is he my soul mate? These questions shouldn’t bother my mind. We shouldn’t be set up to believe that there is someone out there, the perfect one. This belief is the root of all frustrations. When you begin to realize things aren’t the way you think they should be, everything starts falling apart. The fear of losing the one, even though he might not seem as perfect as in the beginning, makes you compromise and from this point on you enter the expiration date path. Break-up becomes inevitable.

So, what does a break-up mean? That he is not your soul mate? Is the happily ever after game over when you break up with someone? Should you keep looking for your soul mate, hoping he’s right after the next corner? What if he’s not? What if you never find your soul mate? Not having a soul mate makes you incomplete?

I simply refuse to believe that. The idea of holding one man responsible for my happiness is absurd. I find happiness in so many things that a lonely life doesn’t scare me at all. I’m not affected with self-sufficiency when I say life can be pretty good even if you are a single girl. You can have a lot of fun and meet plenty of interesting people. You can date hot guys and have fun with them; I mean real fun, with no worries, frustrations and disappointments. Not thinking about soul mates makes relationships a lot easier.

What do you think about soul mates? Are they real or it’s all just a myth we have to bust in order to be genuinely happy?

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I have to admit that it was very polite and sweet of him to ask for my permission. But I felt like I was 14. I know he is a bit shy but I am not sure if the incident was a sign or shyness or insecurity. It made me think about the things men should never ask women. So, gentlemen, here are some of the things you should never dare asking:

1. Never ask for a kiss. A man should never ask a woman if he can kiss her. It makes him look insecure and childish. Therefore, when the moment is right, the best thing to do is to take action, not ask questions.

2. Never ask for a date. Women prefer men who are in control, men who are self-confident and take the initiative. Instead of asking for a date, men should simply say something like: “I know a great place…and I would very much like to take you there one evening! I’m sure you’ll love it!”

3. Never ask a woman what is the plan for the date. There are three possible reactions to this kind of attitude: a) she won’t like it but she will be cool until the evening is over – Don’t expect a kiss at the end!; b) she won’t like it and she will make you feel bad about it by taking you to some of the weirdest places she knows; c) she won’t like it and she will leave. As you can see, either way she won’t like it. That is because women expect men to have a plan. If you don’t have one, make up one on the way but don’t let her see that. She will think less of you and you’ll probably never hear from her again.

4. Never ask a woman why she hasn’t answered your messages. Not only does the woman feel bad and guilty, but the man appears very insecure and immature. Gentlemen, a woman can be very busy sometimes but, to be honest, if she doesn’t answer your messages on a regular basis, chances are high that she might not be that much into you.

5. Never ask a woman how many guys she has slept with. She will feel unconformable and it will make you look very insecure. After all, does it really matter? No.

6. Never ask a woman to call you. It can make you look arrogant and this can be a huge turn off. Women never call men to ask them out unless they are very self-confident. If you are interested in going out with a certain lady, you should make the first step and call her.

7. Never ask a woman to pay for dinner (lunch, drinks or anything else). If you invite her to dinner, don’t expect her to pay. If she offers to pay, that’s fine; it’s up to you to accept or not. But if she doesn’t, then you should never ask. It will make you look stingy. Moreover, she will think that if you are reluctant to open your wallet, you are certainly reluctant to open your heart. Be a gentleman and take care of things! After all, you were the one who made the invitation.

These are just some of the things that can cause a woman to lose her interest. It’s true that most of the time women are impossible to understand, but sometimes our actions are entirely dictated by your attitude. Be careful what you ask for cause you might never get it!

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It was not my first invitation and, I would guess, not the last one either. All men have this fantasy and all my ex-boyfriends made this suggestion at some point. The only difference is that this time I’m actually considering it. Why? Well, the answer is quite simple: the guy who asked me is not my boyfriend. He is also very hot and I’ve been sexually attracted to him ever since we first met. However, at that moment I was in a relationship and I totally and consciously ignored the chemistry.

We haven’t discussed all the details and he hasn’t yet found the other girl which is a bit of a problem because, as we all know, the only way to do a threesome is to be the guest star. And this was my explicit condition. Therefore, not only does he need to find a girl, but they also have to engage in a relationship before we all meet for the threesome. He strongly objected to my condition and I completely understood his point, but my desire is perfectly valid and I’m not going to change my mind.

Towards the end of the discussion I gave in and accepted his “no conditions” approach but I know myself better. A threesome where I would be the guest star is the only way I would have sex with this guy. If I know he is involved in a relationship and our threesome is just a great way of reaching new levels of pleasure, I’m totally cool. However, if I aware that he’s available and I happen to like him more than I should, I suddenly undergo a complete transformation. All those ugly feelings of jealousy, doubt, possessiveness take over my mind and I find myself unable to think clearly. And, to own the truth, chances that I might like this guy more than I should are quite high already. I fantasize about him (sshhhttt!!!).

Whenever a woman has sex her body produces a chemical which causes her to emotionally attach. This chemical may also account for the series of terrifying questions that involuntarily pop into our minds after just one casual tryst. Questions like does he like me, will he call again, and the classic, where is this all going? When it comes to men, even when we try to keep it light, how do we wind up in the dark? (C.B.)

This is exactly how I feel. I want to keep it light and the only way to avoid the emotional attachment is to be the guest star. That is: I please the couple and leave. Avoid all that confusion and awkwardness that might appear afterwards. Set my mind free of the tormenting questions like does he like me better, do I like him, was he more into the other girl? When you perform the guest star, you know from the very beginning that this is going nowhere and that there are no strings attached. Of course, having sex with a couple can have its downsides too. You might begin like a star and end up feeling like the third wheel if they are very much into each other. But I would rather be the third wheel than the girlfriend who shares her boyfriend.

Call me selfish but this is how I feel. I refuse to like this guy more than I should not only because my heart has been broken so many times, but also because somewhere in the back of my mind I doubt a threesome could be the beginning of something great. In what twisted world is a threesome the beginning of the relationship you’ve always dreamed of?

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Beauty is all about attitude!

We live in a world that promotes impossible standards of beauty. Gorgeous women, whether natural or fabricated are everywhere. And the thing is beauty is such an incredible power and beautiful women are given so many unfair advantages that if you happen to be a cute or regular looking gal, the only thing left to do is bury your head in the sand and give up.

Beauty can be so intimidating that sometimes even the most intelligent and successful women start doubting the truthfulness of beauty is all about attitude. When you have to deal with exceptionally beautiful women, this beauty is all about attitude phrase might seem like a powerless cliché invented by some frustrated, average looking woman. However, I happen to believe in it, not only because I’m a normal looking gal, but also because I’ve seen it happening. There is no strict formula to how to build this overpowering attitude, able to defeat physical beauty, but here’s what I do to increase self-confidence:

Accept Your Flaws!

1) I’ve come to terms with my looks. There were some things I didn’t really like about the way I look like being mignonne or not having the perfect skin but, after years of excessive tanning and climbing high heels, I’ve decided I don’t really care anymore. The truth is life is too short to be superficial and I’ve got really tired of trying to be someone else. So, now, even though I still have this thing for high heels, I am not afraid of being too short when I wear sneakers and I’ve realized that white skin has its charm too. So, ladies, accepting your flaws is the first step towards self-confidence!

Go to Spa!

2) Some flaws can be removed or fixed! If you’re not happy with your looks, change something! Start a diet, go to the gym, take up a new sport, get a peeling, go to spa, get a new haircut! I go to the gym, take long walks and eat healthy food in order to look better.

Love yourself!

3) Focus on all the things you love about the way you look! For instance, I like my natural, long hair and my eyelashes. What do you really like about the way you look? Make a list and try to highlight those features. A low-cut dress might reveal some nice breasts; a short skirt might bring out some fine long, legs. You get the point!

Stay close to beauty!

4) If you are surrounded by smart people, they keep challenge you and your progress is usually much bigger than in other circumstances. It’s the same for beauty. Proximity to beauty can actually make you look and feel more attractive. You are constantly motivated to keep fit, dress up and look as fabulous as everyone else around you. I happen to have some really gorgeous girlfriends and I love going out with them because we instantly draw men’s attention wherever we go.

Go Shopping!

5) Do things you really enjoy! Take time for yourself and do little things that give you pleasure. When you feel good, you generally look good! I usually take photos, listen to my favorite music or go shopping.

Smile!

6) Smile! As much as you can! There’s no greater power than the one of a large, cute, natural smile.

Think More! Talk Less!

7) Think more! Talk less! Mystery is far more attractive than a beautiful, loud girl. So, unless you have something really important to say, let others do the talking. I’m not suggesting silence is better than conversations, but I do believe that speaking at the right moment, using the right words, can make you shine.

Be Smart!

8) Use your brains! Learn as many things as you can and share them! A woman’s intelligence is a huge turn on. Educate yourself on every possible subject but never use your knowledge to appear superior. For example, I am genuinely curious about anything related to new technologies and cars.

Be Fabulous!

9) Use your body language! A woman is attractive only if she constantly portrays herself as such. Strut down the streets, walk in a room as if you own it and let your body swankily say: I’m wonderful! Awesome! Fabulous! It really works!

There are also some other little things that might boost your self-esteem. I would suggest:

♦ Laugh like you mean it! ♦ Be natural and sincere! ♦ Accept and pay compliments! ♦ Ask someone to take your picture! ♦ Go out there and kiss an attractive stranger!

So, complain less about the way you look and start changing your attitude! You might discover that you can be really attractive without being incredibly beautiful!

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1. You are the only and most important person in your life! There’s nobody else you have to listen to, pay attention to, care about. Only you!
2. More time for yourself. You can do all the little things that make you happy: long baths, long walks, reading a book or watching your favorite movie on lazy, rainy Sundays.
3. You focus more on your career.
4. You can follow your dreams.
5. No compromise. You don’t have to negotiate anything!
6. You can live anywhere you want. You no longer need to consider other needs or desires but your own.
7. The freedom to flirt with anyone you like.
8. More time for your girlfriends and gay friends.
9. You can smile as much as you want without worrying that someone might get jealous.
10. You don’t have to put up with boring friends and annoying relatives!
11. You can stretch out all over your bed!
12. You can stay in your pyjamas ALL DAY LONG!
13. Your good mood is yours and only yours. You don’t have to lose it if someone wakes up in a bad mood and vice versa.
14. You can listen to your music all day long. I’m very happy when I start my days with Frank Sinatra and I don’t have to deal with heavy metal at 8.00 a.m.
15. You create and respect your own working schedule.
16. You can take naps whenever you feel like.
17. You are more creative since you have more time for your thoughts.
18. There are more opportunities to meet new, interesting people.
19. You can have as many dates (first dates, blind dates) as you please.
20. No guilt over gorging. You can eat as much as you want without worrying about the few extra pounds or other people’s opinions.
21. You cook only for yourself and only if you truly want to.
22. You don’t have to wash anyone else’s laundry or dishes!
23. You have more time to rethink you life, analyze your decisions and make better choices.
24. You don’t have to call anyone before making plans.
25. You don’t have to buy presents anymore. No more birthdays, holidays and special days, this meaning no more presents!
26. No more visiting in-laws on Christmas and other holidays!
27. You can spend as much money on shoes and makeup as you want without having to defend yourself.
28. You can lick the spoon, the ice cream or eat the banana and you can do it when other men look!
29. You can have male friends and go out with them without having to explain too much.
30. No worries if you don’t get home on time!
31. You can dress up as sexy as you want and enjoy other men’s lustful looks without being afraid your boyfriend might be jealous.
32. You can have one-night stands!!
33. You can have sex whenever you want, as often as you want, as dirty as you want!
34. You can have as many sleeping partners as you want!
35. You don’t have to fake an orgasm!
36. You don’t have to worry about fulfilling your partner’s sexual fantasies (threesomes, anal sex, whatever).
37. You don’t have to try to be nice if the sex is bad!
38. No more contraceptives!!
39. Don’t have to feel embarrassed when you are having your period.
40. You don’t have to wax unless you really want to.
41. You can masturbate as often as you like!
42. You don’t have to tolerate anyone’s annoying habits!
43. There’s no one to take over your bathroom!
44. You can have the shower just for yourself, whenever you please.
45. You don’t have to share anything with anyone!
46. You don’t have to watch that stupid TV show or football game!
47. The remote is all yours!
48. The couch is all yours!
49. You don’t have to listen to him fantasizing about supermodels and you don’t have to feel bad that you are not one!
50. No more inappropriate jokes that you don’t really find amusing.
51. You don’t have to worry if he’ll call you or not!
52. No more jealousy, suspicion and tensions for you!
53. No more fights!
54. No more awkward silence after fights.
55. No more drama!
56. No more broken hearts!
57. No more headaches!
58. You don’t have to clean up after someone.
59. You can eat in bed.
60. You get undisturbed sleep!
61. No more unpleasant bathroom odors (other than yours).
62. Farting is less embarrassing.
63. No one is scratching their balls and then touching the remote, the fridge door, the pillows or anything else.
64. You can keep the bathroom door opened.
65. No worries about morning breath.
66. You have plenty of space in the closet.
67. You don’t have to give up your things just to make room for his.
68. You can be messy and leave it like this!
69. You can have the pets that you want, as many as you want or no pets at all if you don’t want to.
70. You can surf the internet with privacy and watch porn whenever you feel like.
71. You can talk on the phone as much as you want.
72. You don’t have to eat unhealthy food just because your partner does so. You can be healthier!
73. You can go to the gym or diet more, but only if you really want to.
74. You can go out and have a real night with your girlfriends: free drinks, flirting, dancing and after-party!
75. You can spend hours in the mirror admiring yourself, dressing up and feeling sexy.
76. You can strut out in your house listening to your favorite music and dressed up in your favorite lingerie.
77. Lip gloss can actually stay on your lips now!
78. You can hang your underwear wherever you want.
79. You can watch Pride And Prejudice as many times as you please.
80. You can talk to yourself!
81. You don’t have to miss being you.
82. You get to rediscover your family.
83. You get to keep your maiden name or, at least, you avoid the issue.
84. You don’t have to pretend anymore (that you like his taste in music or movies or anything else).
85. You absolutely control your life. Every little thing that you do represents YOU and nobody else.
86. You get to choose everything: furniture, house, friends, the places you go out, etc.
87. No more we plans! More spontaneity in your life, therefore more fun.
88. You can take a vacation at any time and go anywhere you want.
89. You can throw a party or attend one at any time.
90. You can go to bed whenever you want.
91. No more horror movies; only chick flicks!
92. There’s no one to complain about your little habits. For instance, I enjoy lying in bed naked after showering and waiting to dry and I really hate any complaints about it.
93. You can be happy with who you are, not with who he wants you to be.
94. You can manage your own finances and pay the taxes that you want.
95. You have less problems, only your own.
96. You can keep your toys and sleep with your childhood teddy bear. No one will know!!
97. You can feel complete and accomplished without being in a relationship.
98. You are not afraid of breaking up or being alone because you are already single.
99. Loneliness can be much greater with someone than without. It’s natural to feel lonely from time to time when you are single but it’s awful to feel lonely when you have someone next to you.
100. The mystery of mistletoe on Christmas. You never know who’s going to be your kisser.
101. You have the hope that you might walk out the door and bump into the man of my dreams at any moment.

Being single is about being satisfied and happy as an individual. You have to first master the relationship you have with yourself since this is the most enduring relationship of all. Just remember that a wonderful adult life begins only when we face the reality of our aloneness squarely (Judy Ford).

Many thanks to my good friend Andreea who helped me brainstorming about all the joys of being a single and fabulous woman.

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